All Alone

[tectak]

All alone in my little world
I sit and stare and wait
Hoping for a shred of light
Something to change my fate

All alone in my empty room
I wish and pray and plead
That maybe one day
I'll get the love I need

All alone in my aching heart
I sob and moan and cry
Wanting so badly
To just be free and die

But alas, no answer
The night is silent as stone
Because, as you know
I am all alone


A couple days ago I started writing poetry on a whim. This was the first one I wrote. Hope you enjoy! ^_^

Well, frankly, what's to enjoy? This is hearse-verse and not good either.
You need to avoid cliches. You have just managed to link together a daisy-chain of overused paraphrasing to a new world record. Take out the cliches, the old worn out phrases, and find some NEW way of expressing the angst in this. The subject will be difficult because almost everything that can be said on this theme has been said already...many times over.
BUT that only makes the challenge more enjoyable.
If you take out ALL of the cliches this is what is left:

I'll get the love I need
To just be free and die
But alas, no answer

...and to be honest, line two is supect and I'm sure line three is in a song or several.
Listen to "Solitude" by Louis Armstrong, or Ray Charles or Ella Fitzgerald Duke Ellington or...or...you get the idea?
DO NOT STOP WRITING but please, READ more (some) poetry in a ratio of 1:1000.
Best,
tectak

Aw sod it. Here are the lyrics. Sound familiar?

In my solitude you haunt me
With reveries of days gone by
In my solitude you taunt me
With memories that never die
I sit in my chair
I'm filled with despair
There's no one could be so sad
With gloom ev'rywhere
I sit and I stare
I know that I'll soon go mad
In my solitude
I'm praying
Dear Lord above
Send back my love