I Cede You Peace

[tectak]

I Cede You Peace

I cede you peace You need some dramatic hiatus here...not just because of the penance of punctuation but because you are metaphorically changing direction but in the same vector...like a ball tossed up into the air must stop before gravity reverses its direction. (physics...don't argue)...so, a comma minimum, if only to give that exquisite weightlessness before the fall back, but your poem.
I'll keep my passion ...and now that the sentence is complete...a period.Look, I know how this sounds, but my granny you ain't
let's have a gourmet feast Sentence...you know what to do
we'll dress in fashion;
that's who we are, strictly " We'll dress in fashion, that's what we do.
You're peace and reason, I'm passion through and through." All is opinion
you're peace and reason too,
and me, am passion
through and through.

Yet, I know your heart
a golden gem, No. Cannot be. Gold is gold, gem is a gem. Hmmm. Maybe....
and I will laugh, and and and is getting andy
raise up my head
(as once you said) Nice phrasing.
to make of empty peace
a new facade.

I will, Oddly, if you mean this pensive pause, a comma is too short.
disturb the peace
in my own fashion.
I cede you peace
in search of passion

Hi loretta,
Critique is not just about finding faults, though it must seem so sometimes. Of course, finding faults is easier than just offering up suggestions...so this will be difficult
Overall, I only found small personal nits which as always, and quite rightly, you may choose to ignore. This is an accomplished piece which unusually says a lottle about a little in a good way. Well done....now can I say I like it?
Best,
tectak

---

Hi loretta,
Critique is not just about finding faults, though it must seem so sometimes. Of course, finding faults is easier than just offering up suggestions...so this will be difficult
Overall, I only found small personal nits which as always, and quite rightly, you may choose to ignore. This is an accomplished piece which unusually says a lottle about a little in a good way. Well done....now can I say I like it?
Best,
tectak

---

Hi Tectak: thanks for your input; much appreciated. Your comments are very helpful to this novice. A few questions, do you mean a capital in "Let's have a gourmet feast" then a comman before the next line?, we'll dress in fashion refers directly back to the passion. I will keep the "you're peace and reason too.....for now until I get more response and think about it; I happen to like to way it sounds. "A golden gem", there are many gems which are gold; perhaps the reader will interpret that the person is a golden gem? How would you suggest I repair the two and's (and, I will laugh, and), use a comma and omit the second and altogether? I will, is accentuated by a comma as emphasis to intention and a little humor, would you omit the comma and make one line
I appreciate the suggestions so much, am having more problems making them on others poems. I am very glad you like the poem. Thank you. Loretta

---

Hi Tectak: thanks for your input; much appreciated. Your comments are very helpful to this novice. A few questions, do you mean a capital in "Let's have a gourmet feast" then a comman before the next line?, No. At sentence end...a period we'll dress in fashion refers directly back to the passion. But you say that is who you are, not what you do. I dress myself, that's where I am. I go to France, that's what I am. I eat my soup, that's who I am. Spot the problem I will keep the "you're peace and reason too.....for now until I get more response and think about it; I happen to like to way it sounds. "A golden gem", there are many gems which are gold Name one. Gems are cut stones, crystals or minerals. Gold is a precious metal.; perhaps the reader will interpret that the person is a golden gem? How would you suggest I repair the two and's (and, I will laugh, and), Period after gem, drop the first and. New sentence "I will ...." use a comma and omit the second and altogether? I will, is accentuated by a comma as emphasis to intention and a little humor, would you omit the comma and make one line
I appreciate the suggestions so much, am having more problems making them on others poems. I am very glad you like the poem. Thank you. Loretta