Frankenstein’s Mistress

[bbcashdollar]

[quote='ChristopherSea' pid='148263' dateline='1398958139']
tectak/crow/Brownlie edit 3&4 Thanks again bl and crow

Frankenstein’s Mistress-I read in an early critique that with Frankenstein their's no poem. I disagree. I think you've developed a very strong, visual, visceral narrative. And I find the Frankenstein thing distracting. Frankenstein the Dr. created life. If she is the mistress of the doctor? or was she the monster, a created concubine? She could be the mistress of the Dr., but that wouldn't have much meaning to the reader

I did not fabricate the monster; -creation/fabrication is essential in the Frankenstein story
it crept into my life
wearing your skin. I witnessed
trust become your victim,
knifed on an evening stroll. -when I think of trust being betrayed or violated. I think of a process, rarely a single act. i.e. strangulation, asphyxiation,suffocation, starvation.
I couldn’t stem the glut
of denial spilling on the walkway
through my fingers.

My suspicions were amassing
with each trip into town.
Men fixated on you,
their eyes incensed,
faces inanimate, as if stricken by
an unnamable malady. I realize now
they were reliving your scourge.

From your smirk, I surmised
that many others gulped down
your honeydewed words,
devoured those alluring glazed lines
that you serve. Intoxication
blinded them to your warped nature
behind a body that's all curves. -great imagery

I imbibed,
but fought addiction;
obsession failed to root.
I shall continue to endure,
while you must leave my home
to find a another host,
a new junkie.

Better hurry darling, -great line

angry villagers with torches and pitchforks
are storming the driveway. -I think this is apart of your initial image, but I'm confused by it. She seems to have many under her spell. It seems with only with great effort was the narrator able to break free. If the villagers were coming were they coming for her or him? A very powerful image of relationship gone bad and someone finding themselves again. I think it's bigger than the monster thing at his point.



just a thought:
(Finally) I laugh
The spell is broken
Your lips, your sway
Hold no power
Better hurry darling

bbcd, This is an excellent critique and you make some great points. Yes, the Frankenstein theme is a result of my obsession with the gothic classic and my application of it to another poem that I was composing. Perhaps I have shoe-horned it in as I have discussed with crow, but I don’t see a big problem with it either. Call it an attention getter and set up for the punch-line. Keep in mind that it is essentially restricted to the title and close, but it allows for some poetic license throughout. Nonetheless, I will keep your objections to it in mind. I have debated scrapping this piece based on folk’s problem with the Shelly umbrella. However, it should not be a big deal to better knit the horror piece more seamlessly together with this feme fatale tale.

You have made an astute observation on the slow death of trust. I suppose that I am looking at its final gasp. The denial blood flow was to imply that trust was failing for some time. I shall re-examine that death. A good point.

The town’s folk are coming after the mistress who is the monster, but he (the narrator) could be included for his role in harboring her. Did he create her? No, but it is still suggested that she was a creation of some unspecified ‘Frankenstein’. Humans are supposedly born innocent, untainted. The evil in them has to have been created somehow, via genetics, bad parenting, childhood trauma, environmental factors, etc. or the combination of them all.

Your suggestion for the climax is well wrought and has more resolution that what I supplied. I will definitely consider something along those lines to supplement what I have thus far.

I really appreciate your read, time, opinion and suggestions. Thanks so much/Chris

First reaction, I certainly wouldn't scrap it. I'm not that familiar with the Gothic, but I imagine that there are lots of characters/tales that would fit this perfectly.