Sweet Summer Dukkha (edited)

[bbcashdollar]

Hi bb, I'm enjoying this, I've only read it a few times but here are some notes. If you'd like to have this moved to a workshop just ask a mod.

June Yard Work
Just seven days into summer
yellow sumac leaves fall Love this, fall already.

keep mowing
plenty of grass to cut This line seems redundant, I could lose it.

July at the Lake
sunscreen lotion
everywhere

usedta be
just for the beach

usedta smell
just like sand

August Light
half of this imagined season
seems purposed to remind us, This line feels a little clunky to me but I like what you are saying.
summer's almost over

cool mornings
chilly evenings
dimmer breakfasts
then incandescent meals Love this, I could probably lose "cool mornings chilly evenings", they're just not as interesting.
through May

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Thanks for the read.

Thank you for your response. First, how do I ask the mod to move a thread?

Thanks for your thoughts:
For the first stanza was orginally:
Just seven days into summer
yellow sumac leaves fall Love this, fall already.

keep mowing
Plenty of time left
plenty of grass to cut

What I was aiming for when faced with a glimpse of impermanence (not to go all full Buddhist) was to stay focused, keep working. Originally, the line read like this.

half of this imagined season
simply to remind us,
summer's almost over

cool mornings - I agree. I'm looking for a way to capture the loss, the evaporation of heat after the sun sets as Aug. goes on. It's such a big part of late summer. I keep thinking about this
chilly evenings
dimmer breakfasts
then incandescent meals Love this, I could probably lose "cool mornings chilly evenings", they're just not as interesting.
through May