05-10-2014, 12:41 PM
[quote='billy' pid='164085' dateline='1399692717']
i see it as mainly iambic, i'm not good enough to give a complete scansion though.
the very first word held me up. yep that inversion thing. i could read it better as [well, Jesus....]
apart from a couple of niggles i think it's a solid effort. it has a light hearted yet knowing feel to it. while it isn't a sonnet i think it has the making of one.
Hi Billy
Originally I had "Oh!" as the first word, but thought it a bit melodramatic, so I edited it to well yesterday. I'll add the comma, that's definitely an improvement. Thanks, Marianne
i see it as mainly iambic, i'm not good enough to give a complete scansion though.
the very first word held me up. yep that inversion thing. i could read it better as [well, Jesus....]
apart from a couple of niggles i think it's a solid effort. it has a light hearted yet knowing feel to it. while it isn't a sonnet i think it has the making of one.
Hi Billy
Originally I had "Oh!" as the first word, but thought it a bit melodramatic, so I edited it to well yesterday. I'll add the comma, that's definitely an improvement. Thanks, Marianne