05-10-2014, 12:31 PM
i see it as mainly iambic, i'm not good enough to give a complete scansion though.
the very first word held me up. yep that inversion thing. i could read it better as [well, Jesus....]
apart from a couple of niggles i think it's a solid effort. it has a light hearted yet knowing feel to it. while it isn't a sonnet i think it has the making of one.
the very first word held me up. yep that inversion thing. i could read it better as [well, Jesus....]
apart from a couple of niggles i think it's a solid effort. it has a light hearted yet knowing feel to it. while it isn't a sonnet i think it has the making of one.
(05-10-2014, 11:20 AM)Mopkins Wrote: Here’s one from my misspent 20’s that I’ve tried to patch up... apologies in advance for its religiousness– can anyone tell me if I’ve scanned it correctly. Still new to scansion, so this is a practice piece for me. Comments on the poem itself also welcome.
Satan’s Book
Well Jesus writes the Book Of Life, my name is writ therein,
but Satan has another book that details all my sins. i think sin would have sufficed and better fit the rhyme.
He makes it from the pages that my savior casts away
(for He edits my biography each and ev’ry day- ev/er/y would give you that extra half foot i think the ['] acts as a contaraction which loses the half foot
He blots out my transgressions and does not recall my sins) why use sins again?
but Satan gets the pages that were destined for the bin i like the resignation of this line, as though it's just one of those things.
and with them he accuses me before the Throne Of Grace;
so I confess, repent, and then to get him off my case
imagine that I take his book and cast it in the sea
and Satan frowns, but I care not – For Jesus smiles at me.
Satan’s Book
well JE/sus WRITES/ the BOOK/ of LIFE,/ my NAME/ is WRIT/ thereIN,
7 IAMBS
but SA/tan HAS/ aNOTH/er BOOK/ that DE/tails ALL/ my SINS.
7 IAMBS
he MAKES/ it FROM/ the PAGE/s THAT/ my SAV/ior CASTS/ aWAY
7 IAMBS
(for he ED/its MY/ biO/graphy EACH/ and EV’/ry DAY-
Anapaest/iamb/iamb/anapaest/iamb/iamb
He BLOTS/ OUT my trans/GRESSions /and does NOT/ reCALL/ my SINS)
Iamb/dactyl/trochee/anapaest/iamb/iamb
but SA/tan GETS/the PAGE/s that WERE/ DESTined/ for the BIN
Iamb/iamb/iamb/anapaest/trochee/anapest
and WITH/ them he AC/cuses ME/ beFORE/ the THRONE/ of GRACE;
Iamb/anapaest/anapest/iamb/iamb/iamb,
so I/ conFESS,/ rePENT,/ and THEN/ to GET/ him OFF/ my CASE
7 IAMBS
iMAG/ine THAT/ i TAKE/ his BOOK/ and CAST/ it IN/ the SEA
7 IAMBS
and SA/tan FROWNS,/ but I/ care not – FOR/ JEsus/ SMILES at me.
Iamb/iamb/iamb/anapaest/trochee/dactyl