Frankenstein’s Mistress

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tectak/crow/Brownlie edit 3&4 Thanks again bl and crow

Frankenstein’s Mistress-I read in an early critique that with Frankenstein their's no poem. I disagree. I think you've developed a very strong, visual, visceral narrative. And I find the Frankenstein thing distracting. Frankenstein the Dr. created life. If she is the mistress of the doctor? or was she the monster, a created concubine? She could be the mistress of the Dr., but that wouldn't have much meaning to the reader

I did not fabricate the monster; -creation/fabrication is essential in the Frankenstein story
it crept into my life
wearing your skin. I witnessed
trust become your victim,
knifed on an evening stroll. -when I think of trust being betrayed or violated. I think of a process, rarely a single act. i.e. strangulation, asphyxiation,suffocation, starvation.
I couldn’t stem the glut
of denial spilling on the walkway
through my fingers.

My suspicions were amassing
with each trip into town.
Men fixated on you,
their eyes incensed,
faces inanimate, as if stricken by
an unnamable malady. I realize now
they were reliving your scourge.

From your smirk, I surmised
that many others gulped down
your honeydewed words,
devoured those alluring glazed lines
that you serve. Intoxication
blinded them to your warped nature
behind a body that's all curves. -great imagery

I imbibed,
but fought addiction;
obsession failed to root.
I shall continue to endure,
while you must leave my home
to find a another host,
a new junkie.

Better hurry darling, -great line

angry villagers with torches and pitchforks
are storming the driveway. -I think this is apart of your initial image, but I'm confused by it. She seems to have many under her spell. It seems with only with great effort was the narrator able to break free. If the villagers were coming were they coming for her or him? A very powerful image of relationship gone bad and someone finding themselves again. I think it's bigger than the monster thing at his point.


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tectak/crow/Brownlie edit 2 Thanks again

Frankenstein’s Mistress

I did not create the monster,
it crept into my life with you. I watched
trust become your victim,
knifed on an evening stroll.
I couldn’t stem the glut
of self-denial spilling on the walkway
through my fingers.

My suspicions amassed
with each excursion into town.
Men incessantly staring at you,
their eyes incensed,
faces inanimate, as if stricken
by an unnamable malady.

From your smirk, I surmised
that many others gulped down
your addictive cocktails
of honeydew words,
devoured those alluring glazed lines
you serve for desert. Intoxication
blinded them to the warped nature
behind the body that was all curves.

I imbibed,
but fought addiction.
Obsession failed to root.
I shall continue to endure,
while you are the one who must flee
to find a new host,
an alternative junkie. Better pack
your bags quickly darling.

Angry villagers with torches and pitchforks
are coming up the driveway.

-----------------------------------------------
tectak/crow/Brownlie edit 1 Thank you

Frankenstein’s Mistress

I did not create the monster,
it came with you. I watched
trust become your victim,
knifed on an evening stroll.
I couldn’t stem the glut
of self-denial spilling on the walkway
through my fingers.

My suspicions amassed
with each excursion into town.
Men incessantly staring at you,
their eyes incensed,
faces inanimate, as if stricken
by an unnamable malady.

From your smirk, I surmised
that many others gulped down
your addictive cocktails
of honeydew words,
devoured those alluring glazed lines
you serve for desert. Intoxication
blinded them to the warped nature
behind the body that was all curves.

I imbibed,
but fought the addiction.
Obsession failed to root.
I shall continue to endure,
while you are the one who must flee
to find a new host,
an alternative junkie. Better pack
your bags quickly darling;

Angry villagers with torches and pitchforks
are coming up the driveway.

-----------------------------------------------
Frankenstein’s Mistress

Trust was your first victim,
knifed on an evening stroll.
A single thrust to the kidney
induced instant shock
before the fool was lost
to us forever.

My suspicions first arose
when we drove into town.
The men would incessantly stare
at you from beneath
their automaton masks,
through berserker eyes.

From your smirks, I surmised
that they too gulped down
your contagious cocktails
of honeydew words,
your toxic desserts served
in thin glazed lines,
all the while knowing your body
was all curves,
your nature contoured.

I imbibed, but was not infected.
Parasitism failed to find foothold,
my adaptive immunity
victorious. I shall continue
to endure, while you must flee
to find a new host.

Better pack your bags quickly
darling, angry villagers
with torches and pitchforks
are coming up the drive.

---

tectak/crow/Brownlie edit 3&4 Thanks again bl and crow

Frankenstein’s Mistress-I read in an early critique that with Frankenstein their's no poem. I disagree. I think you've developed a very strong, visual, visceral narrative. And I find the Frankenstein thing distracting. Frankenstein the Dr. created life. If she is the mistress of the doctor? or was she the monster, a created concubine? She could be the mistress of the Dr., but that wouldn't have much meaning to the reader

I did not fabricate the monster; -creation/fabrication is essential in the Frankenstein story
it crept into my life
wearing your skin. I witnessed
trust become your victim,
knifed on an evening stroll. -when I think of trust being betrayed or violated. I think of a process, rarely a single act. i.e. strangulation, asphyxiation,suffocation, starvation.
I couldn’t stem the glut
of denial spilling on the walkway
through my fingers.

My suspicions were amassing
with each trip into town.
Men fixated on you,
their eyes incensed,
faces inanimate, as if stricken by
an unnamable malady. I realize now
they were reliving your scourge.

From your smirk, I surmised
that many others gulped down
your honeydewed words,
devoured those alluring glazed lines
that you serve. Intoxication
blinded them to your warped nature
behind a body that's all curves. -great imagery

I imbibed,
but fought addiction;
obsession failed to root.
I shall continue to endure,
while you must leave my home
to find a another host,
a new junkie.

Better hurry darling, -great line

angry villagers with torches and pitchforks
are storming the driveway. -I think this is apart of your initial image, but I'm confused by it. She seems to have many under her spell. It seems with only with great effort was the narrator able to break free. If the villagers were coming were they coming for her or him? A very powerful image of relationship gone bad and someone finding themselves again. I think it's bigger than the monster thing at his point.


-------------------------------------------
tectak/crow/Brownlie edit 2 Thanks again

Frankenstein’s Mistress

I did not create the monster,
it crept into my life with you. I watched
trust become your victim,
knifed on an evening stroll.
I couldn’t stem the glut
of self-denial spilling on the walkway
through my fingers.

My suspicions amassed
with each excursion into town.
Men incessantly staring at you,
their eyes incensed,
faces inanimate, as if stricken
by an unnamable malady.

From your smirk, I surmised
that many others gulped down
your addictive cocktails
of honeydew words,
devoured those alluring glazed lines
you serve for desert. Intoxication
blinded them to the warped nature
behind the body that was all curves.

I imbibed,
but fought addiction.
Obsession failed to root.
I shall continue to endure,
while you are the one who must flee
to find a new host,
an alternative junkie. Better pack
your bags quickly darling.

Angry villagers with torches and pitchforks
are coming up the driveway.

-----------------------------------------------
tectak/crow/Brownlie edit 1 Thank you

Frankenstein’s Mistress

I did not create the monster,
it came with you. I watched
trust become your victim,
knifed on an evening stroll.
I couldn’t stem the glut
of self-denial spilling on the walkway
through my fingers.

My suspicions amassed
with each excursion into town.
Men incessantly staring at you,
their eyes incensed,
faces inanimate, as if stricken
by an unnamable malady.

From your smirk, I surmised
that many others gulped down
your addictive cocktails
of honeydew words,
devoured those alluring glazed lines
you serve for desert. Intoxication
blinded them to the warped nature
behind the body that was all curves.

I imbibed,
but fought the addiction.
Obsession failed to root.
I shall continue to endure,
while you are the one who must flee
to find a new host,
an alternative junkie. Better pack
your bags quickly darling;

Angry villagers with torches and pitchforks
are coming up the driveway.

-----------------------------------------------
Frankenstein’s Mistress

Trust was your first victim,
knifed on an evening stroll.
A single thrust to the kidney
induced instant shock
before the fool was lost
to us forever.

My suspicions first arose
when we drove into town.
The men would incessantly stare
at you from beneath
their automaton masks,
through berserker eyes.

From your smirks, I surmised
that they too gulped down
your contagious cocktails
of honeydew words,
your toxic desserts served
in thin glazed lines,
all the while knowing your body
was all curves,
your nature contoured.

I imbibed, but was not infected.
Parasitism failed to find foothold,
my adaptive immunity
victorious. I shall continue
to endure, while you must flee
to find a new host.

Better pack your bags quickly
darling, angry villagers
with torches and pitchforks
are coming up the drive.

just a thought:
(Finally) I laugh
The spell is broken
Your lips, your sway
Hold no power
Better hurry darling