Scrutiny

[tectak]

All the things left pressing to do:
List things I have continued to avoid doing.
For in the not doing,
appears the illusion of expedience.

But that is a ruse,
a nefarious deluding, causing a causal trash of undone necessities when
to polish my onyx headdress and be my queen of this equilibrium in which I am; supervising seventh grade homework and
overseeing ninth grade class play lines;
All the while having swept and mopped my floors, and planned a lovely dinner for four...

These; then are the least of which the those,
that have allowed my breath to carry me
well past the threshold of more.

Hi tony,
There is a hell of a lot of little things wrong with this but just by weight of numbers they are drowning a good concept.
To say something encouraging to you may seem patronising but don't worry...the reality is you must ...absolutely MUST...read your work out loud as a corrective aid.
L1 "All the pressing things left (still?) to do" makes some sense. "..left pressing to do" does not.
L2, S2 is such a vainglorious muddle of over wordiness that the swallowing of your thesaurus obviously made you throw up. Use words that you are comfortable with...the idea is to show off your poetic ability not just show off. "...a nefarious deluding"? "causing causal"? Save me...but save the poem first. Keep it simple.
The rest of S2 is pure Klingon. What are you trying to say? I can make no headway through this ocean of slush. Put the ship into dry dock just for a moment and when all is still read this "A nefarious (wrong word) deluding (delusion) causing a causal (tautological anti-oxymoron big time, as you might say) trash of undone necessities (huh? Just how does a "deluding" cause a "necessity". Now you will say...hmmm... yep, it IS gibberish; and I will say...put it right.
No point in trying to talk meter because there is not a vestige of an attempt to make the piece conform to any known rhythm...nor rhyme.
There is much to be done and you will get help here...but please, don't run. Stand your ground and work on it.
Finally, cut down on the abstractions...things which cannot be; touched and
learn; how to use semicolons; AAARRRGGGHHH!
Best and mild.
tectak