Lower Crust

[ChristopherSea]

Bunx, This is an interesting character study. Here are some notes and observations:

[quote='Bunx' pid='163184' dateline='1399483106']
Edit 1
Mangled hair, worn leather boots,
ripped denim jeans, with a <'denim jeans' is a bit redundant, you could pick one or the other>
red bandanna under a
feathered fedora.

He sips coffee stationed
on a stool, speaking tales
of far away places.
Where dreamers visit.

Alluring encounters entice,
Fire flies dancing in the
heat, illuminating
a pond filled with cattail.

Walking on gravel roads
in the summer sun.
Sweat streams down
dripping off the chin.

Wandering with no aim.
A train with no passengers
purposely patrolling endless <'patrols'>
landscapes.

Overhearing the youth
from the table behind.
An overhearing ear.
Sits silently alone.

Black suit strapped to
a pale chest, glasses,
polished dress shoes,
a matching laptop.

Gazing upon his screen, <'He gazes at his screen,'>
stocks tell him of a <'a stock quote tells...'>
growing number.
His life's work.

Breathing deep the
suit strapped soul
sighs silently.

Bunx, I like the contrast between your characters. They are physcically described well, but some more personality development would help the poem. Your close is missing something. Perhaps the 'lower crust' fellow could shake his head while the broker sighs.

Proof read this carefully. The punctuation is off quite a bit. You could start with what is suggested above and fine tune after further critique. Good luck with your next edit. Cheers/Chris