Sweet Summer Dukkha (edited)
#2
Hi bb, I'm enjoying this, I've only read it a few times but here are some notes. If you'd like to have this moved to a workshop just ask a mod.

(05-07-2014, 08:54 PM)bbcashdollar Wrote:  June Yard Work
Just seven days into summer
yellow sumac leaves fall Love this, fall already.

keep mowing
plenty of grass to cut This line seems redundant, I could lose it.

July at the Lake
sunscreen lotion
everywhere

usedta be
just for the beach

usedta smell
just like sand

August Light
half of this imagined season
seems purposed to remind us, This line feels a little clunky to me but I like what you are saying.
summer's almost over

cool mornings
chilly evenings
dimmer breakfasts
then incandescent meals Love this, I could probably lose "cool mornings chilly evenings", they're just not as interesting.
through May
I saw the indent in the reply, here's how:

(08-09-2013, 12:29 PM)billy Wrote:  text space and indent tag

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Line spacing for the top of a post

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and so on...
Thanks for the read.Smile
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

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Messages In This Thread
Sweet Summer Dukkha (edited) - by bbcashdollar - 05-07-2014, 08:54 PM
RE: Sweet Summer Dukkha - by ellajam - 05-08-2014, 11:29 PM
RE: Sweet Summer Dukkha - by bbcashdollar - 05-10-2014, 10:10 PM
RE: Sweet Summer Dukkha - by ellajam - 05-10-2014, 10:20 PM
RE: Sweet Summer Dukkha - by bbcashdollar - 05-10-2014, 10:44 PM
RE: Sweet Summer Dukkha - by ellajam - 05-10-2014, 10:54 PM



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