05-07-2014, 11:30 AM
hi Caleb, thanks for your thoughts on this - your time and effort is appreciated.
The poem originally had another stanza describing native birds fishing and bathing in the river but I got rid of it as it was poorly written. Because of this, it now seems a little brief to me, so I'll think about adding in some more details as you suggest. Water hugging the fish is a bit whimsical, I admit, but I wanted the river to be 'affectionate' towards it's inhabitants, which came out also in the deleted stanza, (the river embraced the diving birds).
As for should/would, I'm sticking with should, I want the poem to sound old, and should sounds older than would, I think.
As for letting it ferment for a while, well, I've done that, I wrote this one about six or so years ago, and am dragging it out for an edit now, with the help of members such as yourself. Thanks for reading and commenting,
Marianne
The poem originally had another stanza describing native birds fishing and bathing in the river but I got rid of it as it was poorly written. Because of this, it now seems a little brief to me, so I'll think about adding in some more details as you suggest. Water hugging the fish is a bit whimsical, I admit, but I wanted the river to be 'affectionate' towards it's inhabitants, which came out also in the deleted stanza, (the river embraced the diving birds).
As for should/would, I'm sticking with should, I want the poem to sound old, and should sounds older than would, I think.
As for letting it ferment for a while, well, I've done that, I wrote this one about six or so years ago, and am dragging it out for an edit now, with the help of members such as yourself. Thanks for reading and commenting,
Marianne