05-07-2014, 06:29 AM
(05-01-2014, 11:45 AM)Willpark Wrote: Lock It Away
Keep your heart in a box,
Hide the key and swear never to open it,
Lest you experience some pain again,
Keep it locked in its cage,
And though its sings and yearns
For freedom and freshness freshness doesnt really fit here too well
Deny it. Imprison it for its own safety.
Feel its strong pull,
But pull back only stronger.
Do not give into its sweet melody,
A siren’s call, surely, luring you to doom.
Let it grow weak and old
In captivity, no longer longing
For its destined desire,
Singing sweetly no more. Try and be a bit more consistent with your alliteration, it just randomly appears throughout the poem. This verse is nice, but it doesn't at all fit with the rest.
Then wonder why.
And wish you hadn’t.
And realize you still have time, random assonance that you could develop more, wonder why, realize, still have time. Your use of poetic devices is kinda random and scattered, be purposeful and patterned
And hear its fated song echoing on the horizon.[/b]