05-06-2014, 09:09 PM
Greetings Celestina, I like the theme and recognize the reality and the complexity of the problem discussed herein. Self-image is a huge issue for teens and bulling has become a coping mechanism for some, as bullies suffer from the same low self esteem as their victims do.
I think that your poem is too revealing and all narrative. I would strike that second line. It's too conclusive and the naught is archaic. The worms in her hair similie was a highlight.
Your penultimate line is the stronger close. You don't need to rehash the obvious in a self-esteem/extreme line. If anything you could leave us with a Gorgan or Harpy image. Welcome to the site and all the best with your next edit./Chris
I think that your poem is too revealing and all narrative. I would strike that second line. It's too conclusive and the naught is archaic. The worms in her hair similie was a highlight.
Your penultimate line is the stronger close. You don't need to rehash the obvious in a self-esteem/extreme line. If anything you could leave us with a Gorgan or Harpy image. Welcome to the site and all the best with your next edit./Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris