The Wild Wind

[LorettaYoung]

grons?? runns?? fild ??

There is a lot of repetition. There are a number of rhymes which seem forced. Full lines are cut in half example:

"Hear the wild wind,
his musical roar
As he sweeps from the north
and kisses the moor
he sings of adventure
and grons to allure"

Hear the wild wind, his musical roar,
as he sweeps from the north and kisses the moor.
He sings of adventure and grons to allure

I am assuming "grons" is suppose to be "groans", if so "groans to allure" makes little sense making "allure" and "moor" a forced rhyme.

If written in accentual verse, instead of meter, the first stanza (lined out the way I have it), has four stresses per line, making them four foot lines, or tetrameter. Which would be fine, except you abandon this pattern by stanza 2.

This seems mildly imitative of Shelly's "Ode to the West Wind".

Going off beat, or off stress is common with those new to poetry, who have a vague sense of the stressed syllables in a poem, and are able to imitate that for a brief time, but then lose it at times, then at times come back to the pattern, which is what is happening here. About the same thing can be said of the rhyming pattern, which seems to be trying to rhyme every other line starting with the second line, but this pattern falters at times or forces the rhyme. Were it lined out as I have above, the lines would be in rhyming couplets, more or less (see below).

On the positive side, the writer can hear the stresses, and can rhyme. If the spelling errors were corrected, the lines written in tetrameter, and the forced rhymes removed, it would not be a bad effort. After stanza 2, the lines fall fairly well.

Example

ride the wild wind as he seeks through your sill
the spice of your kiss and the gift of your will
making wild merry disturbing the sheets
wreaking wild laughter an erotic feast

ride the wild wind whenever you can
over wild raging seas and mountain blessed land
to unusual places of exotic reports
let the wild winds enlighten your thoughts

Of course punctuation would add to making the reading less difficult.

Maybe if the writer lines out the poem as I have shown, it will be easier to see (hear) which line are too short or too long.

Best,


Dale

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I have read your comments again and taken notes; I am unsure about where you mean the stressors are in the first verse. What about free verse, I've felt that as long as it flows it shouldn't matter which lines rhyme
I am a little confused about punctuation, another comment suggested I remove some commas, I am going to study all your precious comments and study the post about form. Thanks again, very much. In reality, the poem is not about wind, it's about choices and integrity in life. Loretta