05-05-2014, 10:14 AM
just had a quick couple of reads and noticed it rhymes in some places and not in others. [point one]
it feels overly wordy
an example: were the house secreted all of its ailments,...you also spelled where wrong. [point 2]
i know it's a child like poem or meant to be but it feels that bit too cheesy, as though i'm being treated as a kid myself. [point 3]
lots of good stuff which i'll point out in a later post (honest injun)
it feels overly wordy
an example: were the house secreted all of its ailments,...you also spelled where wrong. [point 2]
i know it's a child like poem or meant to be but it feels that bit too cheesy, as though i'm being treated as a kid myself. [point 3]
lots of good stuff which i'll point out in a later post (honest injun)