05-05-2014, 07:47 AM
The revision is better, stanza 2 is still very off, easy to correct:
Inhale the depth of the wild salt air
as he runs his fingers through your hair
watch as he blows through the streets
tossing dead leaves that once dwelt in peace
swaying the lanterns the street corners keep
Best,
dale
Inhale the depth of the wild salt air
as he runs his fingers through your hair
watch as he blows through the streets
tossing dead leaves that once dwelt in peace
swaying the lanterns the street corners keep
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.