The Wild Wind

[LorettaYoung]

grons?? runns?? fild ??

There is a lot of repetition. There are a number of rhymes which seem forced. Full lines are cut in half example:

"Hear the wild wind,
his musical roar
As he sweeps from the north
and kisses the moor
he sings of adventure
and grons to allure"

Hear the wild wind, his musical roar,
as he sweeps from the north and kisses the moor.
He sings of adventure and grons to allure


I am assuming "grons" is suppose to be "groans", if so "groans to allure" makes little sense making "allure" and "moor" a forced rhyme.

If written in accentual verse, instead of meter, the first stanza (lined out the way I have it), has four stresses per line, making them four foot lines, or tetrameter. Which would be fine, except you abandon this pattern by stanza 2.

This seems mildly imitative of Shelly's "Ode to the West Wind".

Going off beat, or off stress is common with those new to poetry, who have a vague sense of the stressed syllables in a poem, and are able to imitate that for a brief time, but then lose it at times, then at times come back to the pattern, which is what is happening here. About the same thing can be said of the rhyming pattern, which seems to be trying to rhyme every other line starting with the second line, but this pattern falters at times or forces the rhyme. Were it lined out as I have above, the lines would be in rhyming couplets, more or less (see below).

On the positive side, the writer can hear the stresses, and can rhyme. If the spelling errors were corrected, the lines written in tetrameter, and the forced rhymes removed, it would not be a bad effort. After stanza 2, the lines fall fairly well.

Example

ride the wild wind as he seeks through your sill
the spice of your kiss and the gift of your will
making wild merry disturbing the sheets
wreaking wild laughter an erotic feast

ride the wild wind whenever you can
over wild raging seas and mountain blessed land
to unusual places of exotic reports
let the wild winds enlighten your thoughts

Of course punctuation would add to making the reading less difficult.

Maybe if the writer lines out the poem as I have shown, it will be easier to see (hear) which line are too short or too long.

Best,


Dale

Hi Dale: I am very appreciative of your corrections and time. To be honest, my education is in another field; in addition, I live in Woodstock and everything you read in the literary magazines is free verse to the extreme. I do not know about stressors, footlines or tetratameter; if these vary does it ruin the poem. It was my ignorant idea I guess that no punctuation and quickening the pace would make it more rhymical. Thanks again, Dale, Loretta

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The wind is calling me right now and I AM GOING FOR A RIDE. Before reading this well well written poem I was going to use the wind as an excuse not to venture out. I honestly don't know what verse is my favorite. Each reaches deeper, urging the reader to feel the wind as never before. The last stanza made me shiver, and not because I was cold. What a great way to begin your journey here. I encourage you to continue, as I will be looking forward to the new elements you bring to life.

Thank you so much Celestina; a work harrowed over in attempt to contact those deep reaches of emotion; it's such a happy thing for me, as a beginner, the think I can have effect. Loretta

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Sorry Dale and Celestina; Was confused by the site and answered in the wrong place. Dale, I appreciate your comments; I am not educated in tetratameter, stressors, etc., I live in a free everything Woodstock poetic atmosphere; actually, they discourage form. However, I am trying to write good poetry and am open to ALL help. Celestina, I am very happy that the poem moved you, which is a main purpose for me, thank you. I may have read Shelly's Ode 50 years ago but don't remember. Thank you both, Loretta