2 Samuel 11, edit3

[poe]

David

Down on the tarmac, Ned tries winter,
that dumb angel. I drop, plunk-plunk-plink,
ice into my 8 oz. cup of coffee.
Down on the tarmac, Ned tries centering
the chains behind the forklift. Gentler kings
than me paraded criminals, clinking,
out of harm's way. I’m distracted by stirring.
Ned signals, “Now!,” and we see December's

wrath. No savior slides the frozen chocks
from where they wrapped around the gear and lodged
in the worst way. Ned gets yanked up hard.
I call, “Reverse!,” and that’s all.
She took
my hothouse roses. Laughed at my jokes.
Damn her.
I want . . . her . . . to hate me, to look
at me.

["She took" is meant to be indented to past the previous lines "that's all.," but I couldn't figure out how to make that happen. Also, "I want" is meant to be indented to past "Damn her."]

I agree with others that "ice" should follow "drop" in L2.

I like the meter in the sentence,:

"Gentler kings
than me paraded criminals, clinking,
out of harm's way."

and, in this sentence,:

"No savior slides the frozen chocks
from where they wrapped around the gear and lodged
in the worst way."

I wonder if "in the worst way" could be improved upon. Not sure.
TS