Young Folks in Love

[71degrees]

There they are walking on paths,
taking up space on already crowded
sidewalks; oblivious, they entertain
even love doves in the park.

They come in pairs, intertwining
like ivy, like braided hair strands, (I like these images.)
becoming love couples in spring. (Not sure I get this. What's a "love couple"?)

They are at once congruent,
a subject-and-verb in agreement, (I like this image and the one in the next line.)
a salt-and-pepper blend of hands,
arms, shoulders, and rubbing thighs. (Not sure the list of body parts adds anything to the poem.)

Isn’t it a pity;
Isn’t it a shame;
there isn’t a person alive
who will tell them
how they will one day break
each other’s heart (hearts?)

over breakfast:
two cups of black coffee,
two poached eggs,
and all those sharp words
to come, broken in halves. (What exactly is broken in halves here, the words?)

I think it's a cute poem, and I'm honored to have inspired it (my paean to old love has now inspired two poems!).

It's hard for me to say how I would have written this differently. I think the poem needs clearer punctuation. I think the final stanza could be stronger, but I'm not sure how. I've inserted punctuation above, and also made some comments.

Regarding the salt-and-pepper image: Salt and pepper go together, so that makes sense in the poem. However, salt and pepper are also opposites, and young lovers are often carbon copies of each other (except for gender in most cases). Salt and pepper also imply age (as in salt-and-pepper hair). Instead of salt and pepper, perhaps you could find two foods that always go together but are not opposites.

Thanks, Caleb. Obviously, the ending doesn't work. They are not together, at least emotionally. The whole point is…they are opposites. But like over 50% of all marriages, they just don't realize it. But they will. Maybe over breakfast.