05-03-2014, 03:10 PM
Thanks for your time tectak. As a kid, I really do appreciate your wealth of experience.
I've taken you up on some of your advice:
- agreed, one should avoid "void", and
- I've changed that simile, it didn't quite convey what I had in mind.
Re the splitting words; I think it's an effective talking point
- I could have gone inappropriately overboard with it in this type of syllabic verse, but I chose to do so only once. As a poetic technique, I find it adds almost another meaning to the second half of the word, and also, heightens the passage of "r" alliteration in this case.
In the case of 'feet-first', I wanted to show that this person literally hit the ground running in terms of conforming with the island way of life, but also that he'd overcome a hardship right from the start - however, this sense of resilience and adventure has evidently now worn off. This piece overall is supposed to be light-hearted, but contain a pinch of regret (and cynicism from the author's point of view) in the man never having taken a chance.
I've been toying with the title "Captain Courageous" to hopefully clear things up, but that's perhaps a touch cliché.
Once again, thanks for taking an interest. As always, I'd love to hear what you have to say
I've taken you up on some of your advice:
- agreed, one should avoid "void", and
- I've changed that simile, it didn't quite convey what I had in mind.
Re the splitting words; I think it's an effective talking point
- I could have gone inappropriately overboard with it in this type of syllabic verse, but I chose to do so only once. As a poetic technique, I find it adds almost another meaning to the second half of the word, and also, heightens the passage of "r" alliteration in this case.In the case of 'feet-first', I wanted to show that this person literally hit the ground running in terms of conforming with the island way of life, but also that he'd overcome a hardship right from the start - however, this sense of resilience and adventure has evidently now worn off. This piece overall is supposed to be light-hearted, but contain a pinch of regret (and cynicism from the author's point of view) in the man never having taken a chance.
I've been toying with the title "Captain Courageous" to hopefully clear things up, but that's perhaps a touch cliché.
Once again, thanks for taking an interest. As always, I'd love to hear what you have to say