What is this Naked Thing?
#3
(05-02-2014, 07:01 AM)Willpark Wrote:  What is this naked thing? -- The question mark brings up the lewd riddle aspect that many are alluding to. I suppose that's a sign of our fallen language. If its meant to be lewd I suggest a limerick.

What is this naked thing,
That cannot walk alone?
Yet when travels hand in hand with me,
Carries mountains on its own.

What is this naked thing,
So small and weak and bold? -- With too many ands some may say you're in danger of a litany.
Who desires only friendship
Could not care much less for gold.

What is this naked thing,
With neither house nor home,
So proudly walks with man to man,
And around the world does roam.

And seeks a fragile ally, -- the way you have this set up the meter is off, though I suppose some may say you can tack an extra half a foot here and there. I suppose if it sounds off when you read that's a sign that the meter is hindering the poem. You've also began a sentence with and.
To lift up off the ground,
And does so swift and easy,
Without great pomp or sound.

It lives in the silence, --Not sure about the anapest here.
And stillness of the air
And lives in friendship undeserved
And in unrequited care.

What is this naked thing,
That loves for loves own sake. -- Question mark
Perhaps it is some kind of god,
Or dreams that walk in wake.
You might want to try using a uniform 8 6 8 6 meter with rhymes on the lines with 6 syllables. Thumbsup Good work, there's some thought in this I think.
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Messages In This Thread
What is this Naked Thing? - by Willpark - 05-02-2014, 07:01 AM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by Brownlie - 05-02-2014, 02:56 PM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by milo - 05-03-2014, 12:51 AM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by billy - 05-04-2014, 08:04 AM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by LorettaYoung - 05-05-2014, 12:55 AM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by tectak - 05-05-2014, 02:18 AM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by 71degrees - 05-05-2014, 11:03 AM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by Willpark - 05-05-2014, 12:36 PM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by tectak - 05-05-2014, 03:18 PM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by Brownlie - 05-05-2014, 03:38 PM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by ChristopherSea - 05-05-2014, 06:36 PM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by Willpark - 05-07-2014, 09:38 AM
RE: What is this Naked Thing? - by Erthona - 05-07-2014, 10:19 AM



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