Frankenstein’s Mistress

[ChristopherSea]

Thank you very much Tom for the in depth. I will try to answer your questions first and then absorb the critique further for my next edit.

-I did win the battle in the opener and I am victorious in the end. Trust was the victim, right? [b] Certainly...but not via a kidney perforation

-Berseker is a crazed viking warrior, some speculate Amanita induced. I wanted their faces with blank expressions, but their eyes as crazy as I could get them. Remember, our mistress is a monster. Eyes peer through the eye-holes in a mask. What we have are petrified men trying to not react, but there eyes give them away. Yes..I know the derivation...but there are many Amanitas. I think you refer to A.muscaria.

-The 'too' was to imply that I had no idea that she had dozens of previous victims. ...but you surmised and so deny the purpose of uncertainty. After all, if you use "too" as inclusive you really must define your groups, otherwise the term is global and all encompassing. So, by saying "they, too.." you are referring to ALL of the group that "they" includes AND some undefined others...er..too.

-l'thinly glazed lines' implies lies, come on buddy Why?

-The imbibed stanza, may sound like mixed metaphors. However, infection can be fungal, bacterial, viral or animal No. Not animal. Animal cross infections are invariably viral. Bacterial infections are rarely host specific but can be carried by various means. Parasitism is given a specific definition relating to the activity of an "organism" which exists specifically in a self preserving role by "robbing" a "host" of nutrients with no return. The immune system has no strategy for dealing with toxins, essentially poisons, and has virtually no defence against parasites which are often inert in the host's body. But enough of this. Poetically, "contagious" does not convey the meaning that you wish. Perhaps "addictive" though containing an infective (implied) agent? if they are detrimental to the host, they are all parasitism. All of them can produce toxins (e.g. fungal/ergotism; bacterial/botulism toxin). The immune system fights all of these. This is just my answers. Nonetheless there are probably too many references as you point out.

So for developing my monster, I needed an opening murder (loss of trust). Then comes the: 'who in the hell did I fall for' revelation and the developing fear that is not just me who fell for this femme fatale. I break the spell/infection etc. She has to leave town.

I will definitely re-examine the mask and eyes in S2 as well as the mixed poison/contagion in S4 in my next edit. I'm glad you see the story in its total. Now, I can tighten it up.

Danke mein Kapitän/Chris
[/b]

Got ya Tom, this discussion will help with my edit. I can definitely dissect out the kidney and add that semicolon that you suggestion. I will be more specific with 'they'. I will tidy up the contamination situation. I believe that toxic/addiction/contamination/detoxification/withdraw and the like would certainly work as well as the infective route. Much obliged.