05-02-2014, 04:49 AM
Thank you very much Tom for the in depth. I will try to answer your questions first and then absorb the critique further for my next edit.
-I did win the battle in the opener and I am victorious in the end. Trust was the victim, right?
-Berseker is a crazed viking warrior, some speculate Amanita induced. I wanted their faces with blank expressions, but their eyes as crazy as I could get them. Remember, our mistress is a monster. Eyes peer through the eye-holes in a mask. What we have are petrified men trying to not react, but there eyes give them away.
-The 'too' was to imply that I had no idea that she had dozens of previous victims.
-'thinly glazed lines' implies lies, come on buddy
-The imbibed stanza, may sound like mixed metaphors. However, infection can be fungal, bacterial, viral or animal, if they are detrimental to the host, they are all parasitism. All of them can produce toxins (e.g. fungal/ergotism; bacterial/botulism toxin). The immune system fights all of these. This is just my answers. Nonetheless there are probably too many references as you point out.
So for developing my monster, I needed an opening murder (loss of trust). Then comes the: 'who in the hell did I fall for' revelation and the developing fear that is not just me who fell for this femme fatale. I break the spell/infection etc. She has to leave town.
I will definitely re-examine the mask and eyes in S2 as well as the mixed poison/contagion in S4 in my next edit. I'm glad you see the story in its total. Now, I can tighten it up.
Danke mein Kapitän/Chris
-I did win the battle in the opener and I am victorious in the end. Trust was the victim, right?
-Berseker is a crazed viking warrior, some speculate Amanita induced. I wanted their faces with blank expressions, but their eyes as crazy as I could get them. Remember, our mistress is a monster. Eyes peer through the eye-holes in a mask. What we have are petrified men trying to not react, but there eyes give them away.
-The 'too' was to imply that I had no idea that she had dozens of previous victims.
-'thinly glazed lines' implies lies, come on buddy
-The imbibed stanza, may sound like mixed metaphors. However, infection can be fungal, bacterial, viral or animal, if they are detrimental to the host, they are all parasitism. All of them can produce toxins (e.g. fungal/ergotism; bacterial/botulism toxin). The immune system fights all of these. This is just my answers. Nonetheless there are probably too many references as you point out.
So for developing my monster, I needed an opening murder (loss of trust). Then comes the: 'who in the hell did I fall for' revelation and the developing fear that is not just me who fell for this femme fatale. I break the spell/infection etc. She has to leave town.
I will definitely re-examine the mask and eyes in S2 as well as the mixed poison/contagion in S4 in my next edit. I'm glad you see the story in its total. Now, I can tighten it up.
Danke mein Kapitän/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris