04-30-2014, 06:46 PM
101 – to a would be biker chick
Dear Jan,
I’m impressed that at thirty six you want to be a biker chick.
I understand you’ve got a lid and suitably kitted, fit and slick,
you need to know some etiquette. First the good news,
alopecia is cool, wear a bandana (it’s not a scarf!); plain blue
or black - that Paisley one you have will do. Your penchant for pale
coloured wigs will serve you well – plait long tresses in pigtails.
Great, you have the gear your man has a bike and a beard,
but understand to be his bird you will live in constant fear
of slighting his first love. That bike is his everything, his life
on cold nights it will be in the lounge, along with a flick knife,
his boots and leathers, the spare chain, the oil he drained
...just in case, spare gloves, a visor and various tools. Any claims
made for some space, will be met with blank incomprehension;
don’t bitch or complain at an oil stain if she needs new suspension.
Having sorted the bike and her man into your domestic plan,
you should attend to that crucial first meet with his gang.
Don’t worry as a rule they are all very mannerly – old school
blokes open doors and buy drinks and occasionally act the fool.
Biker chicks are different fish, twice as quick to slap or kick;
I guess it’s just pent up jealousy – spray on jeans and lipstick
is never going to win over a red Ducati eight four eight,
a Testastretta eleven engine with wet clutch as his date.
How you mount counts! You have long legs, but if he has a top box,
(Oh the shame of it!) you will have to master the step and drop.
First prime your man, place a hand on the shoulder and squeeze
at the nod, put your foot on the peg, then step up and freeze
the pose for a second, before swinging the other leg up and over
reach for the other shoulder to steady, before you gently lower.
Moving off, try to aim for an air of sitting in your favourite armchair,
hands on knees or you can go for the lovers hug, but keep such affairs
light-hearted. Enjoy the view but remember your head is just ballast,
It weighs three pounds so take care on corners to keep things steadfast.
Lastly the pillion hand brake is situated, just below the belly bar handle
firmly slide your hand down, it only takes a light touch – don’t overly manhandle!
Dear Jan,
I’m impressed that at thirty six you want to be a biker chick.
I understand you’ve got a lid and suitably kitted, fit and slick,
you need to know some etiquette. First the good news,
alopecia is cool, wear a bandana (it’s not a scarf!); plain blue
or black - that Paisley one you have will do. Your penchant for pale
coloured wigs will serve you well – plait long tresses in pigtails.
Great, you have the gear your man has a bike and a beard,
but understand to be his bird you will live in constant fear
of slighting his first love. That bike is his everything, his life
on cold nights it will be in the lounge, along with a flick knife,
his boots and leathers, the spare chain, the oil he drained
...just in case, spare gloves, a visor and various tools. Any claims
made for some space, will be met with blank incomprehension;
don’t bitch or complain at an oil stain if she needs new suspension.
Having sorted the bike and her man into your domestic plan,
you should attend to that crucial first meet with his gang.
Don’t worry as a rule they are all very mannerly – old school
blokes open doors and buy drinks and occasionally act the fool.
Biker chicks are different fish, twice as quick to slap or kick;
I guess it’s just pent up jealousy – spray on jeans and lipstick
is never going to win over a red Ducati eight four eight,
a Testastretta eleven engine with wet clutch as his date.
How you mount counts! You have long legs, but if he has a top box,
(Oh the shame of it!) you will have to master the step and drop.
First prime your man, place a hand on the shoulder and squeeze
at the nod, put your foot on the peg, then step up and freeze
the pose for a second, before swinging the other leg up and over
reach for the other shoulder to steady, before you gently lower.
Moving off, try to aim for an air of sitting in your favourite armchair,
hands on knees or you can go for the lovers hug, but keep such affairs
light-hearted. Enjoy the view but remember your head is just ballast,
It weighs three pounds so take care on corners to keep things steadfast.
Lastly the pillion hand brake is situated, just below the belly bar handle
firmly slide your hand down, it only takes a light touch – don’t overly manhandle!