Burn
#2
Here's my 2 cents...

I like where you are heading with this poem, I normally don't like rhyme in poems but in my opinion it fits well here.

moniker Wrote:Burning is a habit of mine destruction is too.
But be wary when the ashes come for you'll never know what to do.

This line tempo wise does not fit with the rest of the poem, and I feel it is probably the weakest statement here, also those two lines need some punctuation, for it to be read correctly
The be wary part is also pretty silly because its a waste of two words that doesn't need to be there.

George Wrote:Burning is a habit of mine - destruction is too,
but when the ashes come you'll never know what to do.
I think it would be better if you have commas instead of periods for the first line of each stanza, but that's my preference.

Maybe some alliteration would also help in this case, to create a noisy sound just like the crackle of burning.
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Messages In This Thread
Burn - by moniker - 04-29-2014, 10:27 AM
RE: Burn - by George - 04-30-2014, 10:11 AM
RE: Burn - by moniker - 05-01-2014, 06:02 AM
RE: Burn - by milo - 05-01-2014, 10:58 AM
RE: Burn - by Erthona - 04-30-2014, 11:29 AM
RE: Burn - by billy - 05-01-2014, 04:17 PM
RE: Burn - by tectak - 05-05-2014, 06:44 AM
RE: Burn - by bbcashdollar - 05-05-2014, 11:11 AM
RE: Burn - by ChristopherSea - 05-05-2014, 07:51 PM



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