A Trip In Your Library

[RiverNotch]

I like your creative approach though it is a bit distracting from what seems to be a strong message/memory of an acid trip while lying on your back looking up through the trees seeking the natural meaning of life. Not that I resemble this poem or anything. *looks suspiciously at Thoughtjotter There will be some discussions of rhythm and rhyme, meter and the use of caps. coming from others. Never give up your creativity but never give in to the wrong approach to learning how to use it.
Thanks for sharing,
R.T.

The repetition is repetitious. The center justify adds nothing to the poem except to make it hard to read. Some of the rhymes seem forced,

I just like the look of center justify, I didn't really think that outline meant anything.

"I'm looking for a novel.
Is this how a rich man grovels?"

This is forced. I will change these lines.

This is an interesting word choice:

"Your vulva is a holy dove."

Get it? Coz' the thingy looks like a birdie sometimes...

As Xanadu is Kublai Khan's residence I see no connection between it and silk, especially as silk was from China not Mongolia.

Xanadu was known to be a splendorous city, full of opulence and really expensive things and such: in some cases, Xanadu is compared to a paradise (an example being its usage in the movie Citizen Kane). I don't think the comparison needs changing here.

In terms of the form, although somewhat clever, it is hindered by ad hoc inclusions simply for the forms sake such as the repeated "Oh!" whether the poem calls for, or benefits from one at the particular place it appears.

Evidently the phrase:

Flashes of colors all alike, all unlike the world I've seen.

Is obviously personally meaningful to the speaker as it is repeated 8 times throughout the poem,

but for the reader there is no Rosetta stone to give it meaning and so it remains obscure and meaningless.

Thanks. I guess I'll have to clarify what that means. Although, as a heads up, it sort of signifies a transition from one part to another, wherein the speaker is literally seeing "flashes of colors, all alike..."

Best,


Dale

Thank you for the critiques.