04-29-2014, 03:32 AM
The repetition is repetitious. The center justify adds nothing to the poem except to make it hard to read. Some of the rhymes seem forced,
"I'm looking for a novel.
Is this how a rich man grovels?"
This is an interesting word choice:
"Your vulva is a holy dove."
As Xanadu is Kublai Khan's residence I see no connection between it and silk, especially as silk was from China not Mongolia.
In terms of the form, although somewhat clever, it is hindered by ad hoc inclusions simply for the forms sake such as the repeated "Oh!" whether the poem calls for, or benefits from one at the particular place it appears.
Evidently the phrase:
Flashes of colors all alike, all unlike the world I've seen.
Is obviously personally meaningful to the speaker as it is repeated 8 times throughout the poem,
but for the reader there is no Rosetta stone to give it meaning and so it remains obscure and meaningless.
Best,
Dale
"I'm looking for a novel.
Is this how a rich man grovels?"
This is an interesting word choice:
"Your vulva is a holy dove."
As Xanadu is Kublai Khan's residence I see no connection between it and silk, especially as silk was from China not Mongolia.
In terms of the form, although somewhat clever, it is hindered by ad hoc inclusions simply for the forms sake such as the repeated "Oh!" whether the poem calls for, or benefits from one at the particular place it appears.
Evidently the phrase:
Flashes of colors all alike, all unlike the world I've seen.
Is obviously personally meaningful to the speaker as it is repeated 8 times throughout the poem,
but for the reader there is no Rosetta stone to give it meaning and so it remains obscure and meaningless.
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.