My Shadow -edited

[milo]

[quote='RiverNotch' pid='162699' dateline='1398687173']
Lovely form. I agree that it lacks in variation, but in terms of substance I don't think you need to add any more meat; it's already very good as a cheerful little song. Just add a bit more... spice. Maybe discuss what things you'd like to do with the shadow? Or what things of the shadow you'd like to change? I dunno.
[quote='Mopkins' pid='162671' dateline='1398660739']
Scared of my shadow? What a laugh!
For by myself his shape is cast
and at my feet he hovers round,
so often prostrate on the ground,
that space beside to cover.

I think to stand out in the sun
and make another me is fun!This line feels rather awkward, mainly because of the "is fun".

originally those two lines were 'I think that in the sun to stand/and make another me is grand' which was worse, don't know what to do to make it any less awkward

I think that standing in the sun
And making other "me"s is fun

I like to stand out in the sun
And make another me, it's fun

Outside dancing in the sun
Another me is dancing fun

In the sun, I laugh and run
Another laughs along, what fun!

Etc.