04-28-2014, 10:06 PM
"originally those two lines were 'I think that in the sun to stand/and make another me is grand' which was worse, don't know what to do to make it any less awkward"
You'll think of something, I'm sure. Or perhaps:
"I think to stand out in the sun,
and form anew the self in fun."
Okay, that alternative is terrible. xD But again, you'll thinka something.
"I put a comma after fight as I didn't want to start the next line with capital B on But"
It won't do you no harm, but alright.
"why do you consider 'dualistic harmony' redundant? nothing else like it is previously mentioned, and dualistic and harmony both mean different things so I'm unsure what you mean."
Dualistic harmony and synchronicity somewhat mean the same, although come to think (a bit harder) of it, they don't. Sorry about that.
You'll think of something, I'm sure. Or perhaps:
"I think to stand out in the sun,
and form anew the self in fun."
Okay, that alternative is terrible. xD But again, you'll thinka something.
"I put a comma after fight as I didn't want to start the next line with capital B on But"
It won't do you no harm, but alright.
"why do you consider 'dualistic harmony' redundant? nothing else like it is previously mentioned, and dualistic and harmony both mean different things so I'm unsure what you mean."
Dualistic harmony and synchronicity somewhat mean the same, although come to think (a bit harder) of it, they don't. Sorry about that.