04-27-2014, 11:23 AM
The rhythm of the poem feels rather inconsistent, though I'm not entirely sure how to correct that. Also, some apostrophes seem out of place, or completely lacking: I suggest you correct those. For the specific line, "Risen up in the morn with a shout!", I suggest you alter the wording a bit, just to make the sentence flow and work better in terms of grammar and rhythm. Other than that, the poem feels quite charming in its expression of, I suppose, love for the desert sky; to keep in the theme of the first and last lines, though, I suggest you add to the poem's sense of color by adding more vivid and thorough descriptions of the "desert sky, with [its] many hues"... 