04-27-2014, 12:47 AM
I am a tree loving fanatic. I have planting over 75 of them covering more than 20 species. I have many tree poems and references in my work. I feel the pain herein. 
This is a nice 'Elegy to Quercus', but bittersweet of course. You have portrayed the tragedy well. I like concrete poetry and center alignment is a good idea for this particular poem, as it resembles the gnarled and twisted trunk, as well as the shaggy bark of an old oak (I am a bonsai enthusiast too). I wonder if you could do even more with it, offsetting lines to the left and right to create more of a twisted trunk. It is a bit difficult to space in MyCode, but there are instructions on site:
http://pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=11421&pid=135838#pid135838
You should recheck your punctuation; the first line needs a period or colon after tree. You have a few comas that should serve as natural breaks. However, you enjamb one word after them several times. You also have a semicolon followed by a capital (...life; Magnificence...). Check this to see if you want a period, comma or semicolon there and correct the cap or complete the sentence accordingly. Also, you have used 'magnificence' a least five times, including the title and you may want to consider substituting some alternates. Majesty and splendor came to mind.
Nice job and welcome to the site.
Cheers/Chris
This is a nice 'Elegy to Quercus', but bittersweet of course. You have portrayed the tragedy well. I like concrete poetry and center alignment is a good idea for this particular poem, as it resembles the gnarled and twisted trunk, as well as the shaggy bark of an old oak (I am a bonsai enthusiast too). I wonder if you could do even more with it, offsetting lines to the left and right to create more of a twisted trunk. It is a bit difficult to space in MyCode, but there are instructions on site:
http://pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=11421&pid=135838#pid135838
You should recheck your punctuation; the first line needs a period or colon after tree. You have a few comas that should serve as natural breaks. However, you enjamb one word after them several times. You also have a semicolon followed by a capital (...life; Magnificence...). Check this to see if you want a period, comma or semicolon there and correct the cap or complete the sentence accordingly. Also, you have used 'magnificence' a least five times, including the title and you may want to consider substituting some alternates. Majesty and splendor came to mind.
Nice job and welcome to the site.
Cheers/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris