Noire

[aerickson]

Not dark; dreamy

“Have you ever?” she asks.
No reply. No echo, either.


Boston; a song

Amidst mindless confusion;
more than a feeling.


Devil-May-Care

Sometimes, we watch different
sunsets from the same window. LOVE THESE TWO LINES!!!


[b]Chivalry

Once she tricked me
into believing what moves
in me should be saved,
if only I should hold on.


Four O’clock

She checks her iPhone; something
is missing, something too important
to overlook. Her heart skips a beat.
I can see it.


Modern Tragedy

When she cries, her tears
are yesterday’s snow;
all going to the place
they melt to.

Fragments

decisions; like a flower
shedding petals[/b]ANOTHER GREAT LINE

one morning before dawn,
you sang to me

we can laugh in a pew, can’t we
love, before we pray?


Gong fu

Under foreign leaves, while children sleep,
we rouse each other and brew tea.


Declaration of Love

Whisper, she says, kisses
my cheek; it is so cold this day,
her lips imprint on my skin.

I rub it for luck.

I can clearly see this is a love poem of some kind, but am not sure if it is a tragic one or a happy one. The mood of the poem is very sombre. I've always read that if a poem is so abstract that the reader cannot figure out what the writer is trying to say, that you might as well as not written the poem. Obviously I could just be missing something, but it frustrates me when I read a poem that has a lot of REALLY awesome lines but I don't quite see how they connect to each other. Would it be possible for you to maybe find a thread or phrase that follows through the whole poem to help guide the reader? If I were you, I would take some of the lines you have in this poem and start other ones with them. A lot of great starters!