An American Prophet

[leesharks]

I eat six times a day;
I see dental floss as a drug,
and I don't do them;
I believe that hypocrisy is by and large more respectable
than cleverness or, indeed, irony;
I'm only attracted to certain types of black women,
in fact, the same is true of white women;
I may be ugly, but I'd rather be alone forever
than taste the weight of an unattractive woman.

I get drunk as my way of saying you're welcome;
though I never brush my teeth, I never have had a toothache,
and I eat ice cream with my front teeth even though it hurts;
I have read more than a college professor has time to teach
in a semester; I believe, even though obviousness has proved that there is no supernatural
reality, that God and other so-called supernatural phenomena exist naturally;
I would not use a condom with a woman I loved,
and not for conservative reasons but for religious reasons;
using a condom is like not even having sex,
I could just as well jerk off for all the good it would do;

there is hardly a day I spend alone,
I have talked people out of suicide
and talked virgins out of self-deprivation, even though they were too young for me
to do anything with;
I have never broken a law, not because I respect the fictional rules of the state
but because I have better things to do than to notice if something I've done has broken a law;
I have played the lottery, and lost.
I have won at certain other games,
I've physically assaulted men bigger than me and have been respected
for that, and for only that, reason.
I don't believe in the necessity for respect.

I have made love to women that didn't love me;
I have made exceptions for them, because I loved them;
I have never compromised in anything:
if anything, I have failed,
and I have learned from my mistakes.
If there are aliens on other planets, that's good to know.
I don't particularly like innovations in communication technology;
one time I really did see something that has been scientifically proven not to exist;
I eat meat only after the animal is dead;
if I lie, it's always because someone would sin if I didn't.
Sin is something that is negotiable,
I know that God understands more than people give Him credit for.
What? Did you think He is stupid?

There's a difference between stupidity and wisdom.
God needs neither;
but we do . . .

That is the point.

A couple of nitpicks.

I felt the simple use of the period was more effective than the semi-colon. I think ditching the semi-colon and relying exclusively on the period would add to our sense of the poem as a series of profound/absurd proclamations given from on high/low.

I disliked the final five lines, everything after "give Him credit for" (and I'm not too sure about that line, either). They switch modes in a way that seems to strive for closure without really adding to the poem. I think just stopping would be fine. Or relocating those lines somewhere else in the poem.

In general, I like this piece. What was strongest for me was the juxtaposition of disparate subject matter, from line to line, the way something completely unrelated emerges from the litany as if it were completely topical (e.g., the move to "If there are aliens on other planets..."). I feel it would be possible to strengthen these juxtapositions even further by playing around with the line order.

I felt the piece sometimes relied on too many devices of what felt like academic or argumentative prose in a way that clashed with some of the powerfully unacademic proclamations, e.g. "in fact," "indeed," and more of that type.

Mostly, I like this piece, but feel it could benefit from some reorganization of lines to best highlight its strengths of voice and from either a new ending or no ending.

-Lee