04-26-2014, 12:49 AM
(04-25-2014, 02:58 AM)Erthona Wrote: S2 L7 Does "sands" need to be plural?Whatho capt'n,
(Something about this line just doesn't work, don't think my suggestion works either, don't know what to suggest) You are not "cast adrift" plus that is too trite. A ship becomes adrift, a life boat is cast adrift.
"Cast adrift we rise, we fall, we spin, we toss, we plunge, we yaw."
Adrift we rise, we're spun, and tossed, we plunge then fall.
"wither way to spin the wheel, or where to head or where to steer."
Aren't all three saying the same thing?
Overall I like it but there are certain places that make me pause, make me frown, make me plunge, and make me drown!
Dale
First point on cast adrift. Meh. Cast adrift IS trite, but you can be cast adrift on ANYTHING if you have no power or navigational aids that work...so trite yes, rest no.
Course to set, is NOT the same as course to steer. You have to take tides and wind into account and steer accordingly. Currents and wind will bring you to the course you set. Furthermore, when on awkward seas you need to make rapid local adjustments which can mean fairly revolutionary activity at the helm. It's not like Star Trek. So there. Bleaghh.
Sands? Hmmm, grudging yes, I suppose, but in life we come oftimes (plural) to shallow water and ground ourselves. I wait for the tide before l throw stuff overboard...metaphor y'see?
I wrote this many years ago but I was naively hoping that I could get away with a simplistic holding position. Since coming to pigpen, and hitting the Erthonian buffers, I have realised that I need to rewrite a shitload of my stuff to pass muster. This is one attempt. Thanks again.
tectak