04-25-2014, 02:58 AM
S2 L7 Does "sands" need to be plural?
(Something about this line just doesn't work, don't think my suggestion works either, don't know what to suggest) You are not "cast adrift" plus that is too trite. A ship becomes adrift, a life boat is cast adrift.
"Cast adrift we rise, we fall, we spin, we toss, we plunge, we yaw."
Adrift we rise, we're spun, and tossed, we plunge then fall.
"wither way to spin the wheel, or where to head or where to steer."
Aren't all three saying the same thing?
Overall I like it but there are certain places that make me pause, make me frown, make me plunge, and make me drown!
Dale
(Something about this line just doesn't work, don't think my suggestion works either, don't know what to suggest) You are not "cast adrift" plus that is too trite. A ship becomes adrift, a life boat is cast adrift.
"Cast adrift we rise, we fall, we spin, we toss, we plunge, we yaw."
Adrift we rise, we're spun, and tossed, we plunge then fall.
"wither way to spin the wheel, or where to head or where to steer."
Aren't all three saying the same thing?
Overall I like it but there are certain places that make me pause, make me frown, make me plunge, and make me drown!
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.