The Daimon -edited

[SilverMire]

The Daimon

[/color]Don't know if I'm being a bit harsh right off the bat, but I'd say the form you've chosen doesn't really match the themes you're trying to convey. Elongated rhyming couplets almost makes it comical to my ear, but we'll see how it goes
The daimon dwells within you, like your higher self and soul.
Conversing with him’s simple. This is what I have been told- Last half of this line comes across really forced
he communicates in twitches or touches soft and fleeting. Stick an "in" before touches, or at least place a coma after twitches as a visual caesura.
To start conversing with him, first think at him a greeting. Consider revising this phrase, doesn't make sense / hold anything of value to me.

There’s no need to speak aloud, your emotions to express,
he can read your thoughts at will, when to him they’re addressed.Feels like you're missing an accent / foot here?
They’re very fond of humour, and a twitch in either sole
means what you just thought at him tickled his listening soul. ...Sorry, I think you'll have to change this line. The "rich rhyme" really doesn't cut it for me, metre doesn't sit quite right, feels like it's just stumbling to the end.

If something you think at him’s right, your right thigh he will twitch
in agreeance with that thought, you’ll think that it’s just an itch; Agreeance? Accordance perhaps
but it’s the daimon inside, speaking in his way to you,
answering your fleetest thoughts, I’m told this is the truth. Feels like the metre is really struggling to hold itself this past stanza.

You may feel a sensation in the cheek he softly strokes
when you think at him things cheeky or make a private joke,
and the clothing on your shoulder may suddenly shift;
he pats you sympathetically, your mournful mood to lift.

And when you are well acquainted, your lips he may well kiss-
you must be still and concentrate to experience this. Real wrenched accent...
For the daimon lives within and answers internally
in twitches and in twinges- that’s what’s been told to me.


Daimon
by Alan G. Hefner
Daimon is the Greek derivative for the term demon. In this sense the term "demon" means "replete with knowledge." The ancient Greeks thought there were good and bad demons called 'eudemons' and 'cacodemons.' The term 'daimon' means "divine power," "fate" or "god." Daimons, in Greek mythology, included deified heroes. They were considered intermediary spirits between men and the gods. Good daimons were considered to be guardian spirits, giving guidance and protection to the ones they watched over. Bad daimons led people astray. Socrates said he had a life-time daimon that always warned him of danger and bad judgment, but never directed his actions. He said his daimon was more accurate than omens of either watching the flights or reading the entrails of birds, which were two respected forms of divination of the time.

I admire your attempt at writing about such a theme Mopkins - my advice would be to tackle a shorter version of this first, really distill what you want to say. Maybe jot down two or three key ideas, then decide on a form that will really complements this. Also, don't feel forced to rhyme fully every couplet, slant rhymes can be a welcomed change-up

Hope this helps in some small way