Unicorn

[John Galt]

Every breath and lyric sang
a memory that speaks your name
wandering, wrenching, lost infatuation
you took his body but stole my heart

We let you in and you shared our bed
elated, joy, swirled anticipation
but you never felt the same

Memories, haunting my weary mind
fits of rage, sorrow, agony
gone for months but still remain
hide you deep and choke you down

Forever seemed to come and go
your empty promises, looks and lies
a gentle kiss, with poison sealed
darkness crept, the sparkle gone

Hello PNAP, The punctuation in this piece could be tightened up.

In verse 1 you need something after name.

In verse 2 something needs to come after bed, the word elated did not scan right in the line, and for me the word needed to be elation.
Swirled anticipation is too abstract.

In verse 3, L1 some punctuation is needed after the word mind .
The connection of memories in L1 to gone in L3 is spoilt by the line inbetween because there is no punctuation after the word agony.

Verse 4, L1, punctuation need after go.
After looks and lies.
After the last word gone.

Hope this, along with other reader views, helps a little.
JG