The Daimon -edited

[tectak]

The Daimon

The daimon dwells within you, like your higher self and soul.
Conversing with him’s simple. This is what I have been told-"..him's simple" is borderline acceptable but clonky. Drop the dash at the end and call it a sentence. Why? because it IS a sentence.
he communicates in twitches or touches soft and fleeting.Capital "He" as new sentence then period for same reason as before
To start conversing with him, first think at him a greeting.No...you cannot be allowed to get away with "...think at him a greeting". It is just too bad. "To start conversing with him , in thoughts send him a greeting" Your poem.

There’s no need to speak aloud, your emotions to express,
he can read your thoughts at will, when to him they’re addressed.This couplet relies on two inversions. There MUST be a better way to secure a simple rhyme
They’re very fond of humour, and a twitch in either sole
means what you just thought at him tickled his listening soul.Quite dreadful. They, him, thought at (AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!), soul sole "(AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!) Rewrite. That is the mild thing to say.

If something you think at him’s right, your right thigh he will twitch No. You cannot "think at". Right right. Have you got that?
in agreeance with that thought, you’ll think that it’s just an itch;"agreeance" is out of date by about 500years. It is an old english chestnut. Agreement is much better. Agreed?
but it’s the daimon inside, speaking in his way to you,
answering your fleetest thoughts, I’m told this is the truth.Thoughts are not questions. Questions are questions. Q) I am a fleet thought. A) Wha..who...wh...

You may feel a sensation in the cheek he softly strokes
when you think at him things cheeky or make a private joke,
and the clothing on your shoulder may suddenly shift;
he pats you sympathetically, your mournful mood to lift.This is a better stanza except for you know what. Even as an affectation of speech it is just plain wrong. Watch out, too, for forced rhymes. They are becoming a problem.

And when you are well acquainted, your lips he may well kiss-Well well.
you must be still and concentrate to experience this.
For the daimon lives within and answers internally
in twitches and in twinges- that’s what’s been told to me.Hmmm. There is a strong indication that the language you use is child like. NOT childish. Are you deliberately trying to infer that this is the fantasy-talk of a young person? I do not say this in any way critically, but it changes my whole critique if this is the case....though not for the better, certainly for the betterment of poetry. Cool concept, though. Dredging up obscure and mythical Greek gods and godesses is rich pickings for subject starved poets. Nothing wrong with that but you need to be sure of your understanding to really make it work. Brownie points for trying.
Best,
tectak


Daimon
by Alan G. Hefner
Daimon is the Greek derivative for the term demon. In this sense the term "demon" means "replete with knowledge." The ancient Greeks thought there were good and bad demons called 'eudemons' and 'cacodemons.' The term 'daimon' means "divine power," "fate" or "god." Daimons, in Greek mythology, included deified heroes. They were considered intermediary spirits between men and the gods. Good daimons were considered to be guardian spirits, giving guidance and protection to the ones they watched over. Bad daimons led people astray. Socrates said he had a life-time daimon that always warned him of danger and bad judgment, but never directed his actions. He said his daimon was more accurate than omens of either watching the flights or reading the entrails of birds, which were two respected forms of divination of the time.