04-23-2014, 07:12 AM
I Do Not Miss the Time That I Have Lost
I do not miss the time that I have lost
forever, looking in(into) your playful eyes –
it’s better spent on something worth the cost (I think phrasing it being akin to time lost rather than cost would be more appropriate)
of living than to waste, to patronize
my heart with dollar signs.(dollar signs is somewhat of a tacky symbol, be a bit more creative here
) Then, you left me.
I wonder what I did so wrong! The tears
I cry at night, alone: are they the fee
you charge for love? (I think you should get rid of the cost idea, it doesn't work)They’ll haunt me through the years.
This poem is a bit simple in its concept, someone used you for money, and you regret the time lost. However you literally said it just as I did, rather than using creative symbols/imagery. It wasn't heartfelt in its execution.
I do not miss the time that I have lost
forever, looking in(into) your playful eyes –
it’s better spent on something worth the cost (I think phrasing it being akin to time lost rather than cost would be more appropriate)
of living than to waste, to patronize
my heart with dollar signs.(dollar signs is somewhat of a tacky symbol, be a bit more creative here
) Then, you left me.I wonder what I did so wrong! The tears
I cry at night, alone: are they the fee
you charge for love? (I think you should get rid of the cost idea, it doesn't work)They’ll haunt me through the years.
This poem is a bit simple in its concept, someone used you for money, and you regret the time lost. However you literally said it just as I did, rather than using creative symbols/imagery. It wasn't heartfelt in its execution.