Love Sonnet

[kindofahippy]

Hey Alatos,

Love is always a risky theme, full of cliches. In your attempt to avoid that, this poem becomes confusing. I read a theme of a lover who is dealing with the regular life stuff, trying to make ends meet and having to make all that money to support his lifestyle, and his/her partner makes all that worry melt away. It would make more sense if it tied in to the idea of love being invaluable, rather than a panacea for anxiety.

I’ve strained and pulled; I’ve given all I can. "I've" feels stressed, if so this line loses its meter
Yet bound in links of iron dollar signs apropos nothing, capital Yet throws off the rhythm, which is supposed to be lyrical
and forced to work these old, exhausted mines, Here I read proper ambiguity: "depleted" and "tired" in the diurnal rut of the nine to five. Nice imagery.
I’m told that this is how to be a man. By whom? The father, the coworkers?

So lately, I’ve been doubting why I’m here: This question is commonly asked.
a faithless soul who’s fated to be lost The alliteration here is ingenious, since faith and fate go hand in hand
a lifetime in a world of counting cost, The inversion here is of desperate forced rhyme element
and getting by... and cowering, in fear. Fear makes less logical sense than worry or anxiety in this context

But what is this that now I feel so free?
the way you touch my heart… you loose the chains
and gently peel them from their time-worn veins
to show me everything that I can be. I want to say this is cliche, but I'm having trouble searching for poems like this.

And now, with hope at last, my soul can see
that I belong with you, and you with me. I know that the theme of being destined to meet is cliche, and many poems like that have been written before, but I'm not sure how to google that.