Remembrance of Things Past

[Erthona]

Poems of unrequited love go back at lest to middle English, such as Bonny Barbara Allen However the difference here is your lines are uneven and there is little in the way of rhythm. You start off with a nice sort of pattern

"It's bliss to kiss her lips like this;
to kiss these lips is bliss."

If lined out the rest is almost salvageable:

It's bliss to kiss her lips like this;
to kiss these lips is bliss.
The dangerous hint
of her scarlet tint,
these vernal days, I miss.

Of course lines 3 & 4 are total non sequiturs, but at least it follows decent pattern, but after that you begin with a line twice as long with a completely different rhythm:

With her winks and her smiles she enthrals (sp) and beguiles;

I think almost anyone can see there is a natural line break here

With her winks and her smiles
she enthrals and beguiles

Still rhythmically it is at odd with the first stanza.
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The premiss seems built around the idea of "The dangerous hint
of her scarlet tint," which is a bit nonsensical, and though trite, something along the lines of her "beguiling red lips" would not be out of line as the poem itself is basically a cliche. Regardless, I would recommend you do some work/study of metered line length so you don't find yourself wandering all over the place.

Best,


Dale