04-21-2014, 06:10 AM
A number of the lines read awkwardly, primarily because there does not seem to be any sustainable rhythm.
The main problem is I have no idea what the speaker is describing. I could guess, but as a reader guessing is not my job. I don't know who "he" is, whose body was stolen, or who did the stealing.
"but you never felt the same" Who is "you" and what did they feel like before they "never felt the same".
The speaker says things that are unattached to anything that would allow the reader to understand what the speaker is talking about.
Best,
Dale
The main problem is I have no idea what the speaker is describing. I could guess, but as a reader guessing is not my job. I don't know who "he" is, whose body was stolen, or who did the stealing.
"but you never felt the same" Who is "you" and what did they feel like before they "never felt the same".
The speaker says things that are unattached to anything that would allow the reader to understand what the speaker is talking about.
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.