04-19-2014, 03:23 AM
The days are long
But then
time
slips between two pale sheets and
nothing seems to bud. A sigh
tumbles out like a lazy butterfly.
Rainy days have drawn themselves around me
like wet stockings.
And I wait,
as if counting down the days
with chalk
on a cement wall.
If the spaces between the lines are part of the poem, I think they work. I don't know if you want consistency with the punctuation, the But works in the second line without a period before it, and the A sigh works after the period, so maybe you don't want it where it's not absolutely needed. The spaces between the lines make the first two lines look nice, though that's the only place the lack of punctuation happens, and the other punctuation appears valuable. The poem sounds nice as it is.
But then
time
slips between two pale sheets and
nothing seems to bud. A sigh
tumbles out like a lazy butterfly.
Rainy days have drawn themselves around me
like wet stockings.
And I wait,
as if counting down the days
with chalk
on a cement wall.
If the spaces between the lines are part of the poem, I think they work. I don't know if you want consistency with the punctuation, the But works in the second line without a period before it, and the A sigh works after the period, so maybe you don't want it where it's not absolutely needed. The spaces between the lines make the first two lines look nice, though that's the only place the lack of punctuation happens, and the other punctuation appears valuable. The poem sounds nice as it is.