04-18-2014, 05:01 PM
I think this is rather beautiful and I really enjoyed reading it out loud. I had no problem with the metre, the only tiny sticking point for me was the very last line which didn't flow as nicely for me when I spoke it as the rest although I should mention I have a Scottish accent which probably changes the way things are said. I even wondered about changing grave to play so the last line read 'fore darkness falls upon your play - the rhyme would work and it might be a nice echo of the first stanza.