Funeral

[John Galt]

Trying to go for something very clear and simple today as I am struggling with clarity in my writing at the moment. There isn't quite enough space for the layout I want here - the long line is meant to be on one line not two if that makes sense.


Funeral

We do not speak.

Car pressing
tongues flat
as the smart black
stuck to our skin.


Returning we burst,
stretch lungs,
let our tongues rattle
joyous shit.

Five minutes from home my brother stops the driver to piss against a roadside tree.

So much we cannot hold.

Hello Stephanie, the first verse left me wondering how a "car" can "press tongues flat".
The inference that the "black" clothing is "flat" did not work for me. I just don't see it.

The second part did its job, coupled with the last line. I wondered if the word "in" would fit after the last word "hold".
The word "open" could be inserted for "stretch", I was thinking of the match with "burst" whilst still keeping the same connotation.
I went for different punctuation on the last line just to see if more of what you were thinking came across, (see what you think).

A substitute (minimalist) start came to mind.

Going
we did not speak.

Returning we burst,
open lungs,
let our tongues rattle
joyous shit.

Five minutes from home my brother stops the driver to piss against a roadside tree.

So much, we cannot, hold in.

Thank you Stephanie. JG