Funeral

[tectak]

Trying to go for something very clear and simple today as I am struggling with clarity in my writing at the moment. There isn't quite enough space for the layout I want here - the long line is meant to be on one line not two if that makes sense.
Hi steph,
read the end first or I will be in trouble with myself
Funeral......................................procession

We do not speak........................above the hymn the engine hums.

Car pressing..............................us into our seats, we are too many.
tongues flat...............................against our dry-stone rooves
as the smart black.....................hat preceeds us; too slowly while we are
stuck to our skin..........................in tight and ill-fitting funeral garb.


Returning we burst....................with pent-up breath, but loathe to
stretch lungs,..............................in case we say what should be said. Instead we
let our tongues rattle..................in our empty heads, and flush away the
joyous shit.................................Once gone, never seen again.

Five minutes from home my brother stops the driver to piss against a roadside tree.

So much we cannot hold.

Yes, you didn't succed...and here's why. You left the piece unfinished and by writing a disclaimer at the start you hoped to get away with it. It is like half a poem cut up the middle.
Funeral

We do not speak.

Car pressing
tongues flat
as the smart black
stuck to our skin.


Returning we burst,
stretch lungs,
let our tongues rattle
joyous shit.

Five minutes from home my brother stops the driver to piss against a roadside tree.

So much we cannot hold.