Funeral

[ChristopherSea]

Stephanie, There may too much brevity in your opening. The present tense that you used while on the way to the funeral confused me for a moment (but, it could just be me). What about something like, On the way, we did not speak... The next stanza was perfect with the flat/black/stuck. 'Shit' did not rattle for me, there must be something better (rattle joyous old bones or anything else). The last two lines were great, but I would break the penultimate line at 'stops' for some tension and again at 'piss' for more levity and irony. Some things to think about perhaps. I like it./Chris