Walkie Talkies After

[tomoffing]

Hey rowens,

Fine work here.

Whats good?
This a grim tale, and personally when reading difficult subjects I find myself affected but then somehow repressive. Subconsciously I don't want to carry that weight so discard it.
But by not telling this in an overly harrowing manner, and allowing great characters (in particular Tucker) to provide the insight, you've it more digestible and I've found myself mulling it much more than I ordinarily would something on this subject.

Speaking of characters, your dialogue excellently presents the personalities.

That said, I feel like you have missed some opportunities to give them more physical form or to present the scenes more definitely. (I've noted a couple of the points where I felt this below).

Finally, there is redundancy sprinkled throughout here that will undoubtedly irk some people, but from my POV its mostly at home with the rambling colloquial style and doesn't take away for me.

Looking forward to any edits,

One day Tucker decided to say not the opposite but not quite
how he felt,
and when somebody asked him if he was tired,
and he was, to say There's something off in the conjugation here that I can't put my finger on. Should be "said" i think as this is independent of "decided" at this point, if that makes any sense...
"Yep" in a good-natured tone instead of a sympathetic one.


Also it was that time of the year that time
when daddy started to leave food in the microwave he'd put in there
till it had got cold, and wouldn't even remember to get it
after he went in the room to watch tv. I want more from this scene to bring the father into focus, how did he go? how did he watch TV?
He'd go to bed without remembering what he warmed up.
Id prefer forgetting here, has a wider connotation in the piece for me.

It was funny and painful for Tucker,
having graduated high school then lost his first girl
and his first job in the same month.
What was even worse was that Desiree, his sister,
was somehow scarred for life
by something she got from a tick bite. Here again, show me something of Desiree
But that wasn't all . . .

"It was a 'roaring success'; I mean, 'a foreign distress,'
the doctor said. I always get those mixed up."
Was what mama said, back from to see the doctor
with D. I love these three lines, "back from to see" is just great
"We spent about a whole mile just trying remember
what he said."
That's what she continued to say.

When daddy got home that night,
he didn't like it;
so they had to hear about it.
After he was drunk,
he came out and said the exact same things over again
only meaner this time.

When Tucker was 13 or so, and Frankie wasn't around,
he and the older boys would stay out
all night in the woods,
playing war. And it was Tucker's favorite game,
as he didn't find anything quite as fun before or since;
though he always had to worry,
thinking daddy was going to kill mama and the little ones
since daddy was so mad and drunk and always breaking things,
might as soon break a person, this for me is the heart of the piece, but again I want more from it. What things? Breaking how?
The right verb with the right object here (or prop if you will) could add tremendous depth. Id suggest moving the line break to "breaking" and adding another line; something like,
"since daddy was so mad and drunk and always breaking
things like cracked plates or three legged stool;
might as soon break a person."
Please forgive the rewrite, my opinion only obviously

Tucker thought,
with his anxiety disorder.
So he could never really enjoy his favorite game
that few times he got to play it.

They'd use walkie talkies and walk around.
He hoped he wasn't too old
to ever do that again.
And maybe next time be allowed to enjoy it.

thanks again, t