04-15-2014, 02:04 AM
Tyis is a seven foot line, with rhyming couplets, appearently in accentual verse as there is no discernible metric pattern.
This line is a bit awkward
"than the one that he had left when his eyes opened to see" Maybe op'd or whatever that contraction is for opened.
Regardless both of these lines are awkward and disrupting to the reading.
"than the one that he had left when his eyes opened to see
shafts of light piercing the clouds o’er darkening valley."
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"than the one that he had left" this phrase is unclear, who is the "one" he left.
There seem to be little oddities like this throughout, add more for the line or for the rhyme.
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Overall this reminds me some of "a Belle Dame sans Merci"
Dale
This line is a bit awkward
"than the one that he had left when his eyes opened to see" Maybe op'd or whatever that contraction is for opened.
Regardless both of these lines are awkward and disrupting to the reading.
"than the one that he had left when his eyes opened to see
shafts of light piercing the clouds o’er darkening valley."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"than the one that he had left" this phrase is unclear, who is the "one" he left.
There seem to be little oddities like this throughout, add more for the line or for the rhyme.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Overall this reminds me some of "a Belle Dame sans Merci"
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.