Claws of the Beast
#8
(04-11-2014, 08:54 PM)Thoughtjotter Wrote:  
(04-11-2014, 04:34 AM)Blake Wrote:  
(04-11-2014, 03:19 AM)Thoughtjotter Wrote:  He had heard about the danger, had to see it for himself.
It could never happen to him, it was always someone else.
He began to play too close to the deep and dismal wood.
That small voice was screaming, the danger understood.

This warning is for all, who presume to know no fear.
Your soul will be burning, when the evil eyes are near.
Demons creep to greet you, hear their heinous sighs.
The beast may even whisper, "someones telling lies".

Not long ago they had their health, irrational but strong.
The horror in the mirror, proof, their audacity was wrong.
The beast has ripped their lives apart, hopeless situation.
Now they have nowhere to turn in their lonely desperation.

^This line feels to be off a bit on rhythm. Could try:
Now they've no place to turn in their lonely desperation.


The mutilated bodies found, North, West, South and East.
METH-ODDS of self-destruction, of the Claws of the Beast.

I'm a little unclear on the CAPS here, are you trying to imply to the reader that the protagonist's methods are "odd"?
Besides those two line I bolded with comments, I think this is a brilliantly haunting poem and I think it has good potential.
Thank you for taking time to read, even more for your comments.
I guess I was trying too hard to show how the claws (addiction) of the beast (meth) can easily rip anyone's life apart.

METH - (don't play the) ODDS, There are no winners, the ODDS are on self-destruction. I do need to learn how to be more clear.

Thanks again,
R.T.
I thought the meth-odds was a clever play on words and revealed methamphetamine. The poem was not a riddle for me once that line was reached. You could put in in the title and set the stage right off:

Meth-odds are poor

or something like that.
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
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Messages In This Thread
Claws of the Beast - by Thoughtjotter - 04-11-2014, 03:19 AM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Blake - 04-11-2014, 04:34 AM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Thoughtjotter - 04-11-2014, 08:54 PM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by ChristopherSea - 04-11-2014, 09:19 PM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Thoughtjotter - 04-13-2014, 09:44 PM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Erthona - 04-11-2014, 05:15 AM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by kindofahippy - 04-11-2014, 05:34 AM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Thoughtjotter - 04-11-2014, 09:22 PM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by ChristopherSea - 04-11-2014, 05:34 AM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Thoughtjotter - 04-11-2014, 09:49 PM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Erthona - 04-11-2014, 08:01 AM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by ellajam - 04-11-2014, 09:37 PM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Thoughtjotter - 04-11-2014, 10:07 PM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Erthona - 04-11-2014, 10:02 PM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Thoughtjotter - 04-12-2014, 01:11 AM
RE: Claws of the Beast - by Mopkins - 04-11-2014, 10:53 PM



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